Through reading and talk therapy, I came across the idea of inner child work in my mid twenties. Initially, the concept sounded a bit bizarre: visualizing a younger version of myself and befriending her? How could this possibly help? I could barely remember who I was back then—that version of me felt far removed from who I am today.
But interestingly, as I started healing my inner child, I did connect with her in many ways. Deeply creative, humorous, sensitive, compassionate, loving, happy, kind—quiet around certain people, yet bursting with conversation around those who made me feel beautiful. I realized I still carry many of these traits with me, just like how the brilliant butterfly is still her childlike caterpillar self at the core.
“And over time, I didn’t just see my inner child as a friend, but as something even more intimate—as my own child.”
However, the more painful part of inner child work was revisiting her qualities that I didn’t love—and felt others didn’t love either: her insecurity, emotions, shame, shyness, nervousness, people-pleasing, and the sense of never being good enough or capable of standing up for herself. As I reflected on the life experiences that shaped these patterns, I found myself meeting my younger self with deep empathy and understanding, which felt healing.
And over time, I didn’t just see my inner child as a friend, but as something even more intimate—as my own child. Being an older version, I felt the need to protect her and care for her like a daughter to provide her the unconditional love and attention she yearned for. I could recognize all the beauty within her while also accepting the traits she struggled with.
This practice has had a profound impact on how I view all parts of myself today. If I could make peace with my past and be kinder to my younger self, I could also be more compassionate toward my current self. Maybe healing isn’t about burying the traits I don’t like, but about celebrating my beautiful intrinsic traits while understanding my not-so-favorite ones—learning and growing from them, while forgiving myself and others.
And here’s a poem inspired by this topic. It will be featured in my upcoming poetry collection, twentysomething. 💛
Maybe the person I was when just a kid
was who I’m meant to be, the truest version of me:
guitar-loving, always running, quiet around certain people,
yet bursting with conversation around those who made me feel beautiful
reading books, dreaming big, thinking I’m made for something greater than all this…
I got bangs again in her honor, boy did she have a sense of style!
You can try to drift away from who you once were, but it will always re-emerge.
The freckle-skinned kid lives within us. It is magic.
Julia Burke 